“You haven’t heard…?”
|AGoT:||man I sure do love having sex with my sister will this backfire lol nope of course not|
|ASoS:||brienne you're ugly why are you so ugly where's cersei what is empathy why am I feeling this take me home -OFUCKK nO|
|AFfC:||cersei why are you so mean to me look at my face look at this swell beard I've grown why won't you touch my cool beard|
|ADwD:||riverrun sucks i hate rivers brynden why are you being such a negative nelly oH hEY there's brienne off into the forest we go!1! nothing could possibly be weird about this lol honour here i come|
Sandor Clegane dropped his visor with an audible clang and took up his position. Ser Jaime tossed a kiss to some woman in the commons, gently lowered his visor, and rode to the end of the lists. Both men couched their lances. Ned Stark would have loved nothing so well as to see them both lose, but Sansa was watching it all moist-eyed and eager. The hastily erected gallery trembled as the horses broke into a gallop. The Hound leaned forward as he rode, his lance rock steady, but Jaime shifted his seat deftly in the instant before impact. Clegane’s point was turned harmlessly against the golden shield with the lion blazon, while his own hit square. Wood shattered, and the Hound reeled, fighting to keep his seat. Sansa gasped. A ragged cheer went up from the commons. “I wonder how I ought spend your money,” Littlefinger called down to Lord Renly. The Hound just managed to stay in his saddle. He jerked his mount around hard and rode back to the lists for the second pass. Jaime Lannister tossed down his broken lance and snatched up a fresh one, jesting with his squire. The Hound spurred forward at a hard gallop. Lannister rode to meet him. This time, when Jaime shifted his seat, Sandor Clegane shifted with him. Both lances exploded, and by the time the splinters had settled, a riderless blood bay was trotting off in search of grass while Ser Jaime Lannister rolled in the dirt, golden and dented. Sansa said, “I knew the Hound would win.”
SER JAIME LANNISTER ROLLED IN THE DIRT, GOLDEN AND DENTED
Lannister Happy Endings: AU in which all Lannisters are getting along great. Saturdaynight is family night and they all drink expensive Dornish wine and play games. Of course everyone cheats. Tyrion is the only one who bothers to read the instructions. Cersei is suspicious everyone is plotting against her. Jaime had no idea what he’s doing and just trolls the entire game. Myrcella outsmarts Tywin and Tommen just falls asleep dreaming about kittens. AND THEY ALL LIVED HAPPILY EVER AFTER.